"F"ree.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me


These are lyrics from the Casting Crowns song called The Altar and the Door (I encourage you to listen to this song...and MANY other CC songs...). These lyrics hit me EVERYTIME I hear them. I feel like sooo many of us find ourself in this situation. When we are before the Lord in church or in a worship setting (like the one I talked about last night) we are ready to be right before the Lord. To change everything. To live life for Him and Him only. To be completely satisfied by Him. We are soo on fire & passionate. Then....we walk out that door & it's like the devil strips me of these desires. I like to see it as a sneak attack...ha. Why do we have this passion for the Lord one day & the next it looks completely different? I don't understand & quite frankly I'm confused why this happens in my life & the people around me. tired of it. the devil is freakin everywhere and he pisses me off. no joke.

goodness this weekend drained me. spiritually & emotionally. in so many good ways & others I need to be replenished this next week. I'm sure tomorrow at church I will once again be challenged by something the Lord has to say to me. I almost am at this point of feeling tore apart & spit back out...goodness. It's just that the Lord is showing me all sorts of things in my life that needs some adjustment.

-Kelli
::::Jeff Johnson-Ruin Me::::