"J"ust Kidding...

the title of this one describes exactly what I'm feeling right now. I finished with support & thought I would be able to relax and just chill. yes, i've been able to chill...sleep until 11 (beautiful) but the Lord decided that it is time to work on ME...which is hard. the timing of all this just makes me just look up and laugh.

let me explain: I've obviously been working on support all summer. All of my attention has gone towards that...through this process I really learned A LOT about the Lord. I loved it. I loved being able to talk about what the Lord is teaching me about Him etc. I was at 100% on Friday & then Saturday night WABAM...the Lord revealed something to me. Slap in the face...especially because it wasn't like He just revealed it to me...but He had to use one of my friends to show me. That's hard. I am finished & now He wants to work on my heart...because He knows I can put the focus on some changes that clearly need to happen.

I'm very thankful that I do have honest friends. I know there are many things in my life that I would have NEVER realized if it wasn't for the Lord using my wonderful friends to bring them to my attention. it's just hard. real hard...because usually if my friend is bringing it to my attention that means that I have more than likely hurt them in the process. I do not like that...I don't want my action to hurt anyone...but they have.

Other news: I got a text this morning from Lori saying that she is at 98.6%!! She will definitely be finished by this Friday. I wouldn't be surprised if it came in these next couple of days...if not TODAY! yay!! =) Oh and I've played sand volleyball Thursday, Friday, Sunday, and yesterday...soo much fun! It wears me out...but I love it & it makes me active..which is good.

i cannot wait for people to get back into town. i know it will change the dynamics of my group of friends right now...but i miss people.

-Kelli
:::Jeremy Camp-Wonderful Maker:::

"I"ndescribable

that's right...the feeling I felt today was definitely indescribable. a huge huge sigh of relief. i made it. 100% support raised for my ministry this next year with Crusade. unbelievable. the Lord provided like mad...and will continue these next couple of weeks. I'm going to follow through with some people that I have already started the process with, simply because the more support the better. Because at the end of the year when I staff a summer project I will have to raise for that...but If i raise extra now then I won't have to stress about that in March! (sounds grand to me!) I can't tell you how much I screamed/yelled/smiled/jumped up and down with excitement. Plus, I went to dinner tonight with my parents & 10 of my friends sorta as a celebration! Matt bought me the most amazing card ever & a pair of earrings & Jules wrote me a really sweet card. :) my friends are amazing. It was fun calling & texting tons of people today & to hear them just get as excited as I was. I think my friends probably feel pressure taken off too...because there will be less stress in my life. And I can now STOP talking all the time about support.

This summer was good. I can't believe it's coming to a close. I start my job on August 6th. So I have less than 2 weeks...boy oh boy! I'm more than ready though. The Lord is still teaching me so much (which I would never want that to stop) but I feel like a lot of it is stuff that is crucial for this next year of ministry.

Please pray with me that Lori would complete her support this next week. The Lord WILL provide...I just want her to be at ease. I can't wait to work along side my best friend in ministry. the Lord has brought us here, together. CAN'T WAIT!

other than that...last night was an amazing bible study. i left there feeling challenged. I think my friends left feeling challenged. there were tears of sadness & tears of excitement. there is the unsure feeling in some & at peace in other. Yet, some how the Lord manages to use all of our fears, weakness and strengths to push each other. We want more of the Lord...it's obvious. I love this about my group of friends. The Lord can & will do big things through us to have an impact on those around us. We need to take action & continue loving on people.

I love Jesus. I love my friends & family.
-Kelli
:::Secondhand Serenade-Fall For You:::

"H"oly Moly

really? of course I would 2 weeks without writing. ha. see i told you people...& really these last 2 weeks there have been multiple times that I thought about writing but didn't. blah.

anyways...lots to catch up on.

Right now with the Lord I'm been really challenged to become more active in sharing my faith. Should have been something that is already a habit, but it's not. It's a scary thing at times...but I am commanded by Jesus himself to do it. (Matthew 28: 18-20) If i'm walking by the Spirit I will be fine. I'm excited that this is a huge part of my job this next year. I will be challenged daily to get on campus to share with students about our Saviour. what a sweet job.

I've been all over the place these last 2 weeks. Went to Norman for 5 days for Taylor's wedding. It was incredible. such a fun fun amazing wedding. I love her & so excited to see where the Lord has brought her. I got back to Keller and left 2 days later for Houston for 4 days. I went down there to hang with my mom's side of the family. It was fun to hang out with my 2 cousins that are in 7th & 8th grade. I love that they are getting older because I can talk to them about more solid things....and they understand more things. I do not like how they are already struggling with different things...they aren't verbally telling me that...but I hear it with what they say...things they will or won't do. But I do love that they still have that innocence about them. They hear a dirty word and it's "OMG that's gross, close your ears...etc etc"...you get my age & you have just become numb to it. When does this happen? hmm

I'm back in LBK now. I'm so glad to be back here & with my wonderful friends. Sunday was the hardest day of the summer by far. I had to watch one of my good friends Ben leave for the Navy. I gave him a picture book (36 pics) of all of our friends & he opened it to see what it was but immediately closed it and started crying. needless to say...the flood gates opened to all of us once he started showing emotion. I miss Ben already. I did talk to him through text later that day, and the next in the morning & afternoon. But now I will only be able to communicate by writing letters. But I am excited to do that. I know Ben is going to do so wonderful in the Navy...I can't wait to him already though. We had the chance to pray over him before he left...that was also very emotional. But the Lord will take him & protect him. Trusting in the Lord that he will find some Christian men in the navy that he can lean on & grow with.

Support...I'm at 96.9%! I have $1,008 left to raise. I worked my butt off last week calling around 50 people...and got $3,095 in one week committed. I'm expecting to be at 100% by Friday. I will continue follow up with people I have already started with, because it never hurts to have extra support. Mainly because at the end of my year I will be going on Summer Project...so it will be good to have that extra support for that so I won't have to raise any more. I'm definitely ready to start the job...can't wait for August 6th.

well this will do for an update...maybe now that I'm not so busy back in Lubbock I will be more consistent. (maybe...)

-Kelli
:::David Cook-Time of My Life:::

"G"oing to the Chapel

i have no clue why the font is all messed up in the previous font....maybe because I wrote that at like 3am...i was tired.

anyways---after an amazing weekend I was exhausted (like I said in the last post)...but I literally came home and passed out at like 9pm. I was laying next to my mom in her bed talking to her & bam...gone. I felt bad because I really wanted to hang out with her but I couldn't for the LIFE of me stay awake. And my parents left again the next morning for Denver. I'm ready to be around them for a steady amount of time...not one day here...couple hours there. The house is SO quiet without them here. I'm pumped about going to Houston next week with them. It should be a good quality time with my parents...which I want. (never would've said that back in HS...yay for growing up)

speaking of quiet around the house...i have a hard time with quiet. I've known this about myself for a while now...but I'm learning how to be quiet. Not just with talking...(haha laugh it up...) but quiet before the Lord. Last week I talk to some friends about how important I think it is to have this quiet /alone time with the Lord. No music...no noise...silence. I find myself drowning out the Lord with noise in my life. Sitting at the Lord's feet waiting & listening. Why don't I do this more?

Sunday at church the pastor reminded us that God is everywhere. He is THAT big. On the way home to ft.worth Teddy & I got into a conversation about heaven & how BIG God truly is. We both look up & just kinda sat there in awe. Plus, the sky looked absolutely amazing that day...I love that I can find the beauty of the Lord in nature. Also, how I do not compare to His glory. It's sooo hard to fathom God being everywhere...but He is. That drive was full of random...wow God moments.

today was a interesting day. i discovered that i could lower my support amount by $5,200 because I won't be using Crusade insurance...I will be on my parent's plan still. So that's amazing and all...but then I realized I had been calculating wrong. I had been saying my total amount was around $4,000 less then what it really was. So I actually wasn't at 79.8% this whole time...more like 69%. bummer. But if you factor in this new insurance discovery...then I am actually at 81%. I'm still trying to get all the kinks worked out in this process....but gah...it was an Up & Down day for me. I was on the phone all day trying to get this figured out, plus making support phone calls. It's getting down to the wire. I still have quite a few people to get in touch with...so I'm remaining confident.

I'm headed to Norman, OK tomorrow! I'm really excited because I'm going to be in a wedding. My dear summer project friend (picture:2 summers ago during women's time!) is getting married on Saturday! I love taylor & soooo honored that she asked me to be apart of her special day as a bridesmaid. I'm looking forward to relaxing for the next couple of days with her & our other super close summer project friend. It's fun because I've been here the last 2 years with her through this relationship....summer project is where a lot of stepping stones were made for their relationship. I just loved watching the Lord mold them into this couple that is truly ready to get married. It's going to be a HUGE wedding & super fancy...so I'm excited to be glamorous for about 3 days....it's fun to do every once in a while. But I promise...come monday I will be right back in my tshirt & jeans :)

-Kelli
:::Addison Road--What Do I Know of Holy (listen to the lyrics):::

"F"ree.

Careless, I am reckless
I'm a wrong-way-travelin'-slowly-unraveling shell of a man
Burnt out, I'm so numb now
That the fire's just an ember way down in the corner of my cold, cold heart

Lord, this time I'll make it right, here at the altar I lay my life
Your kingdom come but my will was done, my heart is broken as I...

Cry, like so many times before
But my eyes are dry before I leave the floor, oh Lord
I try but this time, Jesus, how can I be sure I will not lose my follow through
Between the altar and the door

Here at the altar, oh my world so black and white
How could I ever falter
What You've shown me to be right

I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me
Jesus, I'm trying so hard to stop trying so hard
Just let You be who You are
Lord, who You are in me


These are lyrics from the Casting Crowns song called The Altar and the Door (I encourage you to listen to this song...and MANY other CC songs...). These lyrics hit me EVERYTIME I hear them. I feel like sooo many of us find ourself in this situation. When we are before the Lord in church or in a worship setting (like the one I talked about last night) we are ready to be right before the Lord. To change everything. To live life for Him and Him only. To be completely satisfied by Him. We are soo on fire & passionate. Then....we walk out that door & it's like the devil strips me of these desires. I like to see it as a sneak attack...ha. Why do we have this passion for the Lord one day & the next it looks completely different? I don't understand & quite frankly I'm confused why this happens in my life & the people around me. tired of it. the devil is freakin everywhere and he pisses me off. no joke.

goodness this weekend drained me. spiritually & emotionally. in so many good ways & others I need to be replenished this next week. I'm sure tomorrow at church I will once again be challenged by something the Lord has to say to me. I almost am at this point of feeling tore apart & spit back out...goodness. It's just that the Lord is showing me all sorts of things in my life that needs some adjustment.

-Kelli
::::Jeff Johnson-Ruin Me::::

"E"xalting Christ

I just saw the movie Hancock and I really enjoyed it. I know many critics tore into the movie and i didn't really even know what to expect...but it was great. The over all thing that I enjoyed was that Hancock sacrificed his own happiness in order to make his "wife" happy. He was a perfect picture of selflessness. Oh how I need to work on this...

Last night I got to see Crimson Soul and Shane & Shane in concert. Absolutely incredible I tell ya. There is something about worshiping the Lord outside....it's freeing. Shane & Shane drained me....dancing...singing at the TOP of my lungs...Praising the Lord like there is no one around me. I was challenged & humbled when I walked away from that experience. I was reminded once more (probably could never hear this enough) that God "slaughtered" His own son. What a powerful word...slaughter. Also, I was challenged to learn how to worship the Lord like i did last night on a everyday bases. I think we usually think of worship with music....we all need music to worship the Lord. This isn't true. I can be grateful, thankful, trusting, all of the above everyday without music. I think if my relationship with the Lord was like this it would radically change me. From the inside out. If i was in a constant state of worship, this would mean that God is on my mind constantly.....1st priority...at all times...in all situations. Jules challenged me by telling me it starts with prayer. Funny enough my chapter I studied this morning was about prayerlessness. I'm still trying to swallow what I read this morning.

-Kelli
:::Shane & Shane--Beg::::

"D"oes God have a mail box?

Can I just say how freakin tired I am of seeing these ridiculous adds on the side of FB showing bodies. "Look how I got skinny" "Look at my flat stomach" yadda yadda. "Read my story" ....no I don't want to read your story...but thanks! I know the media is something that affects (effects?) body image & I'm annoyed that FB has finally followed the rest of this world. Isn't it Ok to have some fluff? haha. Anyways, i'm comfortable in my body. SURE i have issues here & there...but for the most part I try to be satisfied in my appearance. I am BEAUTIFUL in God's eyes....and in my parents eyes. (probably second most important really...) My parents tell me a lot how pretty I look etc. I don't have to be a size 2 or 4 with a ridiculous flat stomach in order to be pretty. soooo SHUTUP facebook. :) thank you.


ok enough of that rant. I got $1700 today for support! That jumped me 5% in one day...yippeee! So I'm now at 79.8%....sooo
close to that 80%.

This weekend I get to be with my best friends in Midland for 4th celebration! I'm really excited to see everyone again. I get to see Shane & Shane in concert (for FREE) plus get to see Crimson Soul perform again...and I love those guys! It's going to be a fun & exciting weekend. Once again, the Lord has seriously blessed me with an amazing group of friends.

i've been writing thank you notes alot recently (clearly...for support stuff) I thought about it today how I wish I could write God a thank you note every once and a while. Not just write it but Mail it away. I wonder where it would go if I just put God on the envelope with no return address. Maybe the same place that Dear Santa letters go to....who knows. random I know...but I don't think I tell God thank you enough.

-Kelli

"C"an He...Will He...

The Lord is able. trust.

....i'm learning this. I'm learning how much disbelief I have in my Father. This was brought to my attention (once again) after reading a chapter in Breaking Free. ( p.s. LOVE this book) I realized how this unbelief plays out in my everyday life....with restoring relationships, raising support, my future, my family...just everywhere.

"We can believe in Christ, accepting the truth that He is the Son of god, and we can believe on Christ, receiving eternal salvation, yet fail to stand firm in belief and choose to find Him truthworthy day to day." -Beth Moore

There is a passage in the bible (Mark 9:21-24) where a dad asked Jesus to heal his son...if he can. Jesus responded by saying (something we've heard over and over) "Everything is possible for him who believes." The father responded by saying, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief." Bam admitting his weakness & asking for help. There are times when I don't believe and I need to be reminded of God's amazing grace & guidance. I walked away thinking, its ok to have these concerns, but turn to Christ and ask him to help you. My title of my blog is walking with steadfast belief....I'm getting here. please be patient. :)

"Christ isn't asking us to believe in our ability to exercise unwavering faith. He is asking us to believe that He is able."

Do you think Christ is able? .....in every area of your heart...

-Kelli
::::Automatic Loveletter-Hush::::

"B"eauty in a Father's Love

Tonight I went to the movies with my hotttt date Mary! We saw Wall-E and I really didn't know what to expect. But it was great... made me laugh/smile/giggle/...yadda yadda. Overall fun movie. But what left a lasting impression on me was the daddy & daughter that sat next to me. I LOVE watching a dad interact with his daughter...it absolutely makes me melt. They had to get up two times to go (what i'm assuming) to the "potty" and he got up willing missing important parts of the movie. She climbed into his lab 2 times and he just held her tight. soo cute. She would whisper to him and he would focus on her completely while she talked to him. Then I got to thinking...wow this is me and my heavenly father. I'm often wanting to just climb up in my Father's lab and rest. He is more than willing to let me do this too. I whisper to Him often & He listens with every fiber of His body. He's so gentle and loving. I just love how God allows us to see His character in the relationships here are earth. I think He has purpose in that. He knows we have a hard time believing as it is...so this gives us something tangible to relate our relationship with the Lord. He is a smart smart God. :)

Today i read about pride. Honestly, I knew this chapter in my book (Breaking Free-Beth Moore) was next and I delayed reading it. Who honestly wants to read about pride...considering that majority of us struggle with it. I just knew the Lord would show something to me...one of my favorite verses from day was Daniel 4:37 " Those who walk in pride He is able to humble." I memorized this one. I don't want to be at that point where the Lord needs to humble me because I feel like it would mean dirty work needs to be taken care of. Oh how I want to be able to humble myself before his feet. The other thing that I liked from the book today was this saying, "Humility takes a supply of supernatural strength that comes only to those who are strong enough to admit weakness." Take a moment to think about how true that is. Are you willing to admit you are weak? Weakness that can be made strong through the Lord.

Raising support is going good right now. I have 74.5% at the moment....with 5 weeks left. I KNOW and BELIEVE the Lord will finish this off. During one of my support meetings (with a complete stranger) they encouraged me by say clearly the Lord has called you to be involved with this ministry for at least a year. It's not a matter of "if" He will bring the money in, its just a matter of "when" He will do it. He might wait until July 31st...making me trust in Him even more. Or He just might bring it all in in the next couple of weeks (pray for the latter :) ) All I know is that I cannot wait to be able to serve Him. To be able to minister to those around me. To have people teach me. I am ready with an open heart.

Been running lately. it sucks. yep absolutely miserable. but i'm pushing through...trying to keep it up. get back to me in about a week...we'll see where I'm at. :) this is one area that I lack SEVERE commitment....boo

-Kelli
::check out Justin Nozuka's music...i like him::