I was looking over my blog this morning and ran into this blog post again. I just love what this woman has to say. According to my blog, this post has had tons of traffic. If you notice on the left hand side of my blog there will always be three post there that are "most popular". Maybe you have noticed this title but haven't clicked on it. I'm re-posting it because I know there are newer people following this that might really enjoy this. (therefore, the bottom part will just stay the same...including the merry christmas. i posted it around that time last year)
I've noticed LOTS of people getting engaged these last couple of weeks. It happens like clock work each year. Get engaged this time of year & have a wedding in the summer or sometimes faster (the route we took). So I just only imagine that there are ladies out there struggling with their future and maybe allowing bitterness to set in.
Read this article.
Loving Your Husband Before You Get Married
By Carolyn McCulley
In
my first year as a Christian, I attended or was part of 13
weddings-including the weddings of my two younger sisters and one
ex-boyfriend. The Lord was working overtime on the sin of self-pity that
year, but out of His sanctifying work came my informal "ministry" of a
wedding coordinator. I started by helping one of my sisters, and as the
word got around, I ended up serving countless friends.
At a
recent rehearsal dinner, someone asked me if it was difficult as an
unmarried woman to be so involved in these weddings. I was glad to
genuinely say no. That wasn't always my answer, however. I can clearly
recall sitting at many wedding receptions with the wind knocked out of
me due to the bitterness in my heart. I would evaluate each aspect of
the weddings I attended, and plan for how "my" special day would surpass
the event unfolding before me. Like any Cinderella devotee, the
highlight of my life would be that special moment when the doors were
opened and all eyes-most especially those of My Prince-would be on me.
What happened in the "happily ever after" part was the fine print. It
was going to be All About Me on that day.
And probably for every day after that, too.
Maybe
this is why the apostle Paul thought it was of paramount importance
that the older women teach the younger women how to love their husbands.
As always, the Bible is radically counter-cultural to the self-centered
worldview spoon-fed to young girls through fairy tales and force-fed to
young women through movies, magazines, and music. We have to learn how
to step out of the princess spotlight and learn how to love well in the
way God defines love. A wedding isn't the kick-off to Happily Ever
After. It's only a segue into a new season, with new and different
opportunities to demonstrate Christ-like love that weren't present when
single.
Do him good all the days of your life
King Lemuel
was taught well by his mother, and his wisdom was memorialized in the
31st Proverb. Writing of the virtuous woman, he said that her husband
has full confidence in her, and she will do him good and not evil all
the days of her life.
That's all the days of her life - days before and days after marriage.
If
you're single, there are things you can do now to sow good seeds for a
godly marriage. What if you're not sure if you'll be married? Though
marriage is the norm for most, not all of us will receive that
gift-that's true. But, we're still called to prepare.
"Problems
in marriage are always the result of self-centeredness,"writes Douglas
Wilson in Her Hand in Marriage. "So the time a person spends when he is
single should be time spent in preparation for marriage. This is
important even if he never gets married. This is because biblical
preparation for marriage is nothing more than learning to follow Jesus
Christ and love one's neighbor. In other words, preparation for
Christian marriage is basically the same as preparation for Christian
living. Christians are to prepare for marriage by learning self-denial,
subduing their pride, and putting their neighbor first. Once they learn
to love God and love their neighbor, they are prepared to enter into the
covenant of marriage with one of their neighbors."
Growing in philandros love
In
her outstanding teaching series on the Titus 2 virtues, Carolyn Mahaney
notes that the phrase "love their husbands" is only one word in the
Greek. It is the compound word philandros, derived from phileo (a warm
affection) and andros (man). Loving your husband with a tender, warm,
deeply affectionate love might seem like a no-brainer until you think
about the caricatures of long-married women in our culture: dismissive,
disrespectful, bored, shrewish. Cultivating and maintaining that tender
affection can, at times, take some work.
Single women can
prepare to grow in philandros love now by understanding the doctrines of
sin and God's sovereignty. If God has marriage for us (His sovereign
plan), one thing we need to settle now in our hearts is that we won't be
marrying Prince Charming; we will be marrying a sinner (the doctrine of
indwelling sin). As will our husbands! So now we can do the "heartwork"
to cultivate philandros love by working on what undermines it: the
bitterness, selfishness, fear, and sinful judgment resident in us. When
and if God brings us into a new season of marriage, this preparation
will help us cultivate tender thoughts and behavior toward our husbands.
Though there's not space for a comprehensive treatment of these topics,
below are some questions to we can consider before the Lord while still
single:
Bitterness: Is there any unforgiveness in your heart
against the men you've dated, or the men who have never asked you out?
Do you regard the single men in your life as brothers in the Lord, or
potential husbands? Do you grumble and complain on a regular basis about
being single? (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Selfishness: Are you willing
to serve the "unlovely" or the "least" in your church or circle of
friends-even when no one is watching? Do you defer to others, esteeming
them as better than yourself, or do you insist on your way? Do you view
your time and schedule now as a single as a season to indulge yourself,
or to be more available to serve others? (Philippians 2:3-4)
Fear:
Do you trust God for your future, or do you think He has forgotten you?
Do you think others will betray you, and thus "mess up" God's plan for
your life? (Romans 8:28-39)
Sinful judgment: Do you speculate
about the single men around you, for good or bad? Are you assigning
motives for their actions without asking humbly for information? Are you
constantly comparing yourself with other women? (James 3:13-4:3)
Whether
or not the Lord attaches an andros to our phileo love, this kind of
"heartwork" is crucial to growing in the likeness of Christ. By working
to become more like our Lord and Savior, we will be worthy of the full
trust of both our earthly husbands (should we get married) and,
ultimately, our heavenly Bridegroom.
______________
I know
this article is specifically for single women, but MAN its true for
married ladies too! The whole idea of preparing yourself all your days
for marriage is something I certainly didn't get right. I had many
occasions of bitterness towards men & fearing that the Lord would
forget about me before I started dating Teddy. Then after we started to
date the fears would creep in with trusting the Lord with our
relationship.
Many of of the things she talks about in specifics
I know STILL need work while in marriage. It truly is "heart
work"...and HARD work to love like Christ day in & day out.
I
also found myself recognizing that I can help my single friends in this
too. I need to believe these things for THEM & love them through
these areas. I need to look at the guys they want to date or do date as
brothers in Christ & not let my bitterness, frustrations, judgments
about that guy surface because of my friend. I can help point them back
to Christ.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this article!!
oh yea, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (since i didn't post)
-Kells
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