Yes, I'm a woman. With that comes emotions over load at times. Sure I can be dramatic at times and cry at the drop of a dime occasionally. But then, I have these moments when I read something, hear a story, listen to a song, or watch something on TV and I get emotional. It truly catches me off guard at times.
Last night this happened.
I read a facebook status that mentioned one of Teddy's high school friends. It didn't sound like a good status, so I told Teddy about it and he immediately contacted another friend to find out what was going on. Turns out this couple had gone in to deliver their first born last night and they had a still born. My heart sank immediately, like they were some of my best friends. Just 2 weeks ago she had posted a picture of the sonogram on FB & expressing how excited she was to meet their baby in 30 days.
I felt that lump in my throat and was having to hold back the tears while watching X-factor.
It was my turn to pray last night before bed & we knew we would pray for the family (husband/wife, grandparents etc)...but I just cried through the entire prayer. I couldn't help it. No lump any longer...just tears and tears. I was SO sad for them. SO sad.
Part of it is just the way God wired me. I've been known to cry & pray for strangers during my life. Spiritual gift of mercy that the Lord has given me. The second part I think is just the fact that we talk about having kids all the time with other married friends. And we obviously harp on the fun & exciting of starting a family. So it just felt like a punch in the gut.
But as I was reflecting on my reaction, I felt like this was God's gentle reminder (through a situation that is distant from me) that He is in control. He knows what is best. Even through some of the most painful days, He truly knows what is BEST for us. He knows what He is doing. Lastly, He can take a love one at any given moment. My hope must be FULLY grounded in Jesus Christ. Not in my husband, my family, our future kids, or my job. I say this now & hope that some day I can look back on this blog and be reminded of what He was teaching me when I wasn't experiencing hardship full blown in my life. Hardships will come. This I know.
I pray that I can be reminded of Gods character during those times. I pray that we have a community that surrounds us that can remind me of these truth if my eyes become blurred. Thank the Lord for community.
Anyways, we feel called to continue praying for them. So why don't you join us?
Pray that the Swenson's could find healing during this time. Pray for those moments when their house is silent and all they could want is a screaming baby to fill that silent void. Pray that the mommy wouldn't feel guilt. Pray for their marriage to remain strong. Pray that they would take the time to grief over their lost & truly seek the Lord during this time.
-Kelli
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Loving your husband BEFORE you get married...round 2
I was looking over my blog this morning and ran into this blog post again. I just love what this woman has to say. According to my blog, this post has had tons of traffic. If you notice on the left hand side of my blog there will always be three post there that are "most popular". Maybe you have noticed this title but haven't clicked on it. I'm re-posting it because I know there are newer people following this that might really enjoy this. (therefore, the bottom part will just stay the same...including the merry christmas. i posted it around that time last year)
I've noticed LOTS of people getting engaged these last couple of weeks. It happens like clock work each year. Get engaged this time of year & have a wedding in the summer or sometimes faster (the route we took). So I just only imagine that there are ladies out there struggling with their future and maybe allowing bitterness to set in.
Read this article.
Loving Your Husband Before You Get Married
By Carolyn McCulley
In my first year as a Christian, I attended or was part of 13 weddings-including the weddings of my two younger sisters and one ex-boyfriend. The Lord was working overtime on the sin of self-pity that year, but out of His sanctifying work came my informal "ministry" of a wedding coordinator. I started by helping one of my sisters, and as the word got around, I ended up serving countless friends.
At a recent rehearsal dinner, someone asked me if it was difficult as an unmarried woman to be so involved in these weddings. I was glad to genuinely say no. That wasn't always my answer, however. I can clearly recall sitting at many wedding receptions with the wind knocked out of me due to the bitterness in my heart. I would evaluate each aspect of the weddings I attended, and plan for how "my" special day would surpass the event unfolding before me. Like any Cinderella devotee, the highlight of my life would be that special moment when the doors were opened and all eyes-most especially those of My Prince-would be on me. What happened in the "happily ever after" part was the fine print. It was going to be All About Me on that day.
And probably for every day after that, too.
Maybe this is why the apostle Paul thought it was of paramount importance that the older women teach the younger women how to love their husbands. As always, the Bible is radically counter-cultural to the self-centered worldview spoon-fed to young girls through fairy tales and force-fed to young women through movies, magazines, and music. We have to learn how to step out of the princess spotlight and learn how to love well in the way God defines love. A wedding isn't the kick-off to Happily Ever After. It's only a segue into a new season, with new and different opportunities to demonstrate Christ-like love that weren't present when single.
Do him good all the days of your life
King Lemuel was taught well by his mother, and his wisdom was memorialized in the 31st Proverb. Writing of the virtuous woman, he said that her husband has full confidence in her, and she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
That's all the days of her life - days before and days after marriage.
If you're single, there are things you can do now to sow good seeds for a godly marriage. What if you're not sure if you'll be married? Though marriage is the norm for most, not all of us will receive that gift-that's true. But, we're still called to prepare.
"Problems in marriage are always the result of self-centeredness,"writes Douglas Wilson in Her Hand in Marriage. "So the time a person spends when he is single should be time spent in preparation for marriage. This is important even if he never gets married. This is because biblical preparation for marriage is nothing more than learning to follow Jesus Christ and love one's neighbor. In other words, preparation for Christian marriage is basically the same as preparation for Christian living. Christians are to prepare for marriage by learning self-denial, subduing their pride, and putting their neighbor first. Once they learn to love God and love their neighbor, they are prepared to enter into the covenant of marriage with one of their neighbors."
Growing in philandros love
In her outstanding teaching series on the Titus 2 virtues, Carolyn Mahaney notes that the phrase "love their husbands" is only one word in the Greek. It is the compound word philandros, derived from phileo (a warm affection) and andros (man). Loving your husband with a tender, warm, deeply affectionate love might seem like a no-brainer until you think about the caricatures of long-married women in our culture: dismissive, disrespectful, bored, shrewish. Cultivating and maintaining that tender affection can, at times, take some work.
Single women can prepare to grow in philandros love now by understanding the doctrines of sin and God's sovereignty. If God has marriage for us (His sovereign plan), one thing we need to settle now in our hearts is that we won't be marrying Prince Charming; we will be marrying a sinner (the doctrine of indwelling sin). As will our husbands! So now we can do the "heartwork" to cultivate philandros love by working on what undermines it: the bitterness, selfishness, fear, and sinful judgment resident in us. When and if God brings us into a new season of marriage, this preparation will help us cultivate tender thoughts and behavior toward our husbands. Though there's not space for a comprehensive treatment of these topics, below are some questions to we can consider before the Lord while still single:
Bitterness: Is there any unforgiveness in your heart against the men you've dated, or the men who have never asked you out? Do you regard the single men in your life as brothers in the Lord, or potential husbands? Do you grumble and complain on a regular basis about being single? (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Selfishness: Are you willing to serve the "unlovely" or the "least" in your church or circle of friends-even when no one is watching? Do you defer to others, esteeming them as better than yourself, or do you insist on your way? Do you view your time and schedule now as a single as a season to indulge yourself, or to be more available to serve others? (Philippians 2:3-4)
Fear: Do you trust God for your future, or do you think He has forgotten you? Do you think others will betray you, and thus "mess up" God's plan for your life? (Romans 8:28-39)
Sinful judgment: Do you speculate about the single men around you, for good or bad? Are you assigning motives for their actions without asking humbly for information? Are you constantly comparing yourself with other women? (James 3:13-4:3)
Whether or not the Lord attaches an andros to our phileo love, this kind of "heartwork" is crucial to growing in the likeness of Christ. By working to become more like our Lord and Savior, we will be worthy of the full trust of both our earthly husbands (should we get married) and, ultimately, our heavenly Bridegroom.
______________
I know this article is specifically for single women, but MAN its true for married ladies too! The whole idea of preparing yourself all your days for marriage is something I certainly didn't get right. I had many occasions of bitterness towards men & fearing that the Lord would forget about me before I started dating Teddy. Then after we started to date the fears would creep in with trusting the Lord with our relationship.
Many of of the things she talks about in specifics I know STILL need work while in marriage. It truly is "heart work"...and HARD work to love like Christ day in & day out.
I also found myself recognizing that I can help my single friends in this too. I need to believe these things for THEM & love them through these areas. I need to look at the guys they want to date or do date as brothers in Christ & not let my bitterness, frustrations, judgments about that guy surface because of my friend. I can help point them back to Christ.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this article!!
oh yea, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (since i didn't post)
-Kells
I've noticed LOTS of people getting engaged these last couple of weeks. It happens like clock work each year. Get engaged this time of year & have a wedding in the summer or sometimes faster (the route we took). So I just only imagine that there are ladies out there struggling with their future and maybe allowing bitterness to set in.
Read this article.
Loving Your Husband Before You Get Married
By Carolyn McCulley
In my first year as a Christian, I attended or was part of 13 weddings-including the weddings of my two younger sisters and one ex-boyfriend. The Lord was working overtime on the sin of self-pity that year, but out of His sanctifying work came my informal "ministry" of a wedding coordinator. I started by helping one of my sisters, and as the word got around, I ended up serving countless friends.
At a recent rehearsal dinner, someone asked me if it was difficult as an unmarried woman to be so involved in these weddings. I was glad to genuinely say no. That wasn't always my answer, however. I can clearly recall sitting at many wedding receptions with the wind knocked out of me due to the bitterness in my heart. I would evaluate each aspect of the weddings I attended, and plan for how "my" special day would surpass the event unfolding before me. Like any Cinderella devotee, the highlight of my life would be that special moment when the doors were opened and all eyes-most especially those of My Prince-would be on me. What happened in the "happily ever after" part was the fine print. It was going to be All About Me on that day.
And probably for every day after that, too.
Maybe this is why the apostle Paul thought it was of paramount importance that the older women teach the younger women how to love their husbands. As always, the Bible is radically counter-cultural to the self-centered worldview spoon-fed to young girls through fairy tales and force-fed to young women through movies, magazines, and music. We have to learn how to step out of the princess spotlight and learn how to love well in the way God defines love. A wedding isn't the kick-off to Happily Ever After. It's only a segue into a new season, with new and different opportunities to demonstrate Christ-like love that weren't present when single.
Do him good all the days of your life
King Lemuel was taught well by his mother, and his wisdom was memorialized in the 31st Proverb. Writing of the virtuous woman, he said that her husband has full confidence in her, and she will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
That's all the days of her life - days before and days after marriage.
If you're single, there are things you can do now to sow good seeds for a godly marriage. What if you're not sure if you'll be married? Though marriage is the norm for most, not all of us will receive that gift-that's true. But, we're still called to prepare.
"Problems in marriage are always the result of self-centeredness,"writes Douglas Wilson in Her Hand in Marriage. "So the time a person spends when he is single should be time spent in preparation for marriage. This is important even if he never gets married. This is because biblical preparation for marriage is nothing more than learning to follow Jesus Christ and love one's neighbor. In other words, preparation for Christian marriage is basically the same as preparation for Christian living. Christians are to prepare for marriage by learning self-denial, subduing their pride, and putting their neighbor first. Once they learn to love God and love their neighbor, they are prepared to enter into the covenant of marriage with one of their neighbors."
Growing in philandros love
In her outstanding teaching series on the Titus 2 virtues, Carolyn Mahaney notes that the phrase "love their husbands" is only one word in the Greek. It is the compound word philandros, derived from phileo (a warm affection) and andros (man). Loving your husband with a tender, warm, deeply affectionate love might seem like a no-brainer until you think about the caricatures of long-married women in our culture: dismissive, disrespectful, bored, shrewish. Cultivating and maintaining that tender affection can, at times, take some work.
Single women can prepare to grow in philandros love now by understanding the doctrines of sin and God's sovereignty. If God has marriage for us (His sovereign plan), one thing we need to settle now in our hearts is that we won't be marrying Prince Charming; we will be marrying a sinner (the doctrine of indwelling sin). As will our husbands! So now we can do the "heartwork" to cultivate philandros love by working on what undermines it: the bitterness, selfishness, fear, and sinful judgment resident in us. When and if God brings us into a new season of marriage, this preparation will help us cultivate tender thoughts and behavior toward our husbands. Though there's not space for a comprehensive treatment of these topics, below are some questions to we can consider before the Lord while still single:
Bitterness: Is there any unforgiveness in your heart against the men you've dated, or the men who have never asked you out? Do you regard the single men in your life as brothers in the Lord, or potential husbands? Do you grumble and complain on a regular basis about being single? (Ephesians 4:31-32)
Selfishness: Are you willing to serve the "unlovely" or the "least" in your church or circle of friends-even when no one is watching? Do you defer to others, esteeming them as better than yourself, or do you insist on your way? Do you view your time and schedule now as a single as a season to indulge yourself, or to be more available to serve others? (Philippians 2:3-4)
Fear: Do you trust God for your future, or do you think He has forgotten you? Do you think others will betray you, and thus "mess up" God's plan for your life? (Romans 8:28-39)
Sinful judgment: Do you speculate about the single men around you, for good or bad? Are you assigning motives for their actions without asking humbly for information? Are you constantly comparing yourself with other women? (James 3:13-4:3)
Whether or not the Lord attaches an andros to our phileo love, this kind of "heartwork" is crucial to growing in the likeness of Christ. By working to become more like our Lord and Savior, we will be worthy of the full trust of both our earthly husbands (should we get married) and, ultimately, our heavenly Bridegroom.
______________
I know this article is specifically for single women, but MAN its true for married ladies too! The whole idea of preparing yourself all your days for marriage is something I certainly didn't get right. I had many occasions of bitterness towards men & fearing that the Lord would forget about me before I started dating Teddy. Then after we started to date the fears would creep in with trusting the Lord with our relationship.
Many of of the things she talks about in specifics I know STILL need work while in marriage. It truly is "heart work"...and HARD work to love like Christ day in & day out.
I also found myself recognizing that I can help my single friends in this too. I need to believe these things for THEM & love them through these areas. I need to look at the guys they want to date or do date as brothers in Christ & not let my bitterness, frustrations, judgments about that guy surface because of my friend. I can help point them back to Christ.
Anyways, hope you enjoyed this article!!
oh yea, MERRY CHRISTMAS!! (since i didn't post)
-Kells
Thursday, October 20, 2011
I remember...
This morning I was reading a great article on one of my favorite websites (newer fav). I have posted about it before, but wanted to mention it again. I think you would really benefit from the website. It has been eye opening for me and just a great reminder as we continue to try and make wise decisions with our finances.
Today I read one of the popular posted called I remember... I thought I would make my own list. Check out his list. I related on many different levels.
::My list::
I remember getting my first debit card & check book when I was in 8th. This was the start of my "money management"
I remember my parents going through "getting out of debt Gods way" when I was in HS. I "suffered" through no cable during that time.
I remember getting my first credit card when I was a freshman in college. It had a $500 limit.
I remember trying to be on a budget during college, but not ever succeeding. I didn't see the purpose.
I remember Teddy and I going on fancy dates while dating. Our favorite was/is sushi. It was nothing to drop $50 in one evening on dinner.
I remember when we bought a Dave Ramsey book when we were engaged. Little did I know that my perspective on $$ was going to be changed forever.
I remember getting married and Teddy's debt becoming fully my debt too. We had my PERFECT diamond ring to pay off & his truck.
I remember sitting in our tiny first apartment on the couch trying to set our first budget. It was a mess, but some how we agreed to tackle our debt as fast as we could during our first year of marriage.
I remember spending $25/week on groceries...just enough for us to eat bare minimum. Nothing fancy here.
I remember after 6 months of being on our first budget we re-evaluated. We had heard another talk by Dave Ramsey and realized that we needed to drain our savings to $1,000 (emergency fund only) and put all the rest towards our ring payment (our smallest debt)
I remember THAT day conquering our FIRST debt. Now it was time to snowball that $$ towards the truck.
I remember paying at least $1,000 (or more) EVERY month towards the truck payment starting in October 2010-February 2011
I remember Teddy taking extra shifts at his job, just so we could put that money towards our debt. It wasn't for fun, it was for our debt.
I remember at the end of February 2011 paying our last truck payment. Teddy went to the bank to pay it off.
I remember totaling our payment towards debt & being shocked. We had spent $12,743.25 on debt (in 11 months). And we were excited knowing that we will be able to do more (giving, saving, and spending) the next year bc we don't have debt.
I remember owing for taxes (first time in my life) April 2011 and not stressing about it because we had just become financially free & had the $ to pay for that.
We are living on our savings right now because we are in a time of transition into our new job with Campus Crusade....we can do this because we do not owe anyone anything.
So there you have it. My remember list. I love talking these things now.
One thing to mention. Teddy bought a home when he was 20 in Lubbock. So we technically own a home as well. The past two years it has been a rental home and I believe it will continue to be rental for college students. So we have a home mortgage as well. But, most financial advisers would tell you that a home mortgage is the "best" debt because you can actually make money off property. Teddy and I are still in discussion about buying a home some day down the road for us & our family. I think currently we are going to save and put down way more than 20% on a home. Hopefully, this will allow us to have a 15 yr mortgage & possibly even pay that off early too. So while most people buy a home right after they get married, we will not be. :)
You have your own story too! What is it?
-Kelli
Today I read one of the popular posted called I remember... I thought I would make my own list. Check out his list. I related on many different levels.
::My list::
I remember getting my first debit card & check book when I was in 8th. This was the start of my "money management"
I remember my parents going through "getting out of debt Gods way" when I was in HS. I "suffered" through no cable during that time.
I remember getting my first credit card when I was a freshman in college. It had a $500 limit.
I remember trying to be on a budget during college, but not ever succeeding. I didn't see the purpose.
I remember Teddy and I going on fancy dates while dating. Our favorite was/is sushi. It was nothing to drop $50 in one evening on dinner.
I remember when we bought a Dave Ramsey book when we were engaged. Little did I know that my perspective on $$ was going to be changed forever.
I remember getting married and Teddy's debt becoming fully my debt too. We had my PERFECT diamond ring to pay off & his truck.
I remember sitting in our tiny first apartment on the couch trying to set our first budget. It was a mess, but some how we agreed to tackle our debt as fast as we could during our first year of marriage.
I remember spending $25/week on groceries...just enough for us to eat bare minimum. Nothing fancy here.
I remember after 6 months of being on our first budget we re-evaluated. We had heard another talk by Dave Ramsey and realized that we needed to drain our savings to $1,000 (emergency fund only) and put all the rest towards our ring payment (our smallest debt)
I remember THAT day conquering our FIRST debt. Now it was time to snowball that $$ towards the truck.
I remember paying at least $1,000 (or more) EVERY month towards the truck payment starting in October 2010-February 2011
I remember Teddy taking extra shifts at his job, just so we could put that money towards our debt. It wasn't for fun, it was for our debt.
I remember at the end of February 2011 paying our last truck payment. Teddy went to the bank to pay it off.
I remember totaling our payment towards debt & being shocked. We had spent $12,743.25 on debt (in 11 months). And we were excited knowing that we will be able to do more (giving, saving, and spending) the next year bc we don't have debt.
I remember owing for taxes (first time in my life) April 2011 and not stressing about it because we had just become financially free & had the $ to pay for that.
We are living on our savings right now because we are in a time of transition into our new job with Campus Crusade....we can do this because we do not owe anyone anything.
So there you have it. My remember list. I love talking these things now.
One thing to mention. Teddy bought a home when he was 20 in Lubbock. So we technically own a home as well. The past two years it has been a rental home and I believe it will continue to be rental for college students. So we have a home mortgage as well. But, most financial advisers would tell you that a home mortgage is the "best" debt because you can actually make money off property. Teddy and I are still in discussion about buying a home some day down the road for us & our family. I think currently we are going to save and put down way more than 20% on a home. Hopefully, this will allow us to have a 15 yr mortgage & possibly even pay that off early too. So while most people buy a home right after they get married, we will not be. :)
You have your own story too! What is it?
-Kelli
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
classic movies
One great thing about living with my parents is the fact that they have all my childhood movies.
What's even better is the fact that they are VHS. :) Luckily, they have a DVD/VHS combo!
We spent our lunch time watching Lion King on VHS. What a treat!
Here are some of the other movies on VHS:
Monday, October 3, 2011
a weekly date
About 4-5 weeks ago Teddy and I implemented something fun for our marriage. We will have a weekly date occur! The reality of our situation right now: we spend ALOT of time together already. BUT, it's amazing how you can spend so much time with a person and not talk about important things or even have a FUN day away from the house. Once we start having kids this is will get more difficult, but still needs to be priority. So we want to make it a priority NOW!
We thought it would be a refreshing thing to add into our schedule & our budget.
Truth is: our marriage is important. Our relationship is key. Marriage isn't easy & to keep it fun and exciting takes work.
Reality: We weren't making time to work on this part. We were falling into routine and missing out on opportunities to develop our marriage by continuing to date one another!
RULES:
1) $10 budget per week...period. This forces us to be creative! (if $10 isn't used, it can roll over to next week)
2) We take turns each week planning the date.
3) We will have a set day eventually. But our schedule is crazy right now, so we pick a day (day or night) that fits into our schedule.
What is neat about this too is the fact that as soon as we started to focus more on dating each other, the Lord has provided in fun ways to help stretch the $10 further.
What we have done:
-(Kelli) Ate sushi (Dad happen to give us $20 to go on a date, we added our weekly $10 & wala we can afford our fav date food!), went to a coffee shop to read our marriage book and talk, then went to a 9/11 memorial park to take a stroll.
-(Teddy) Split a burrito bowl at Chipotle (less than $10) and documentary event we got to attend for free
-(Kelli) Friday night homecoming football game ($5/person) & free museum (we love these!)
-(Teddy) Saturday day afternoon college football date at Buffalo Wild Wings. We got a coupon from Teddy's uncle for $10 free food. So we split 12 wings & a basket of fries and only had to spend $4...which left a great tip for the waitress equaling $10! After watching games we went furniture shopping for FUN. We love dreaming about our future homes and had a blast doing this! We had plans to go see the local hockey team play (free tickets as well) but stayed in to watch the Rangers game.
YAY for dates! It's been really fun so far & one of the most important things we budget for!
-Kells
We thought it would be a refreshing thing to add into our schedule & our budget.
Truth is: our marriage is important. Our relationship is key. Marriage isn't easy & to keep it fun and exciting takes work.
Reality: We weren't making time to work on this part. We were falling into routine and missing out on opportunities to develop our marriage by continuing to date one another!
RULES:
1) $10 budget per week...period. This forces us to be creative! (if $10 isn't used, it can roll over to next week)
2) We take turns each week planning the date.
3) We will have a set day eventually. But our schedule is crazy right now, so we pick a day (day or night) that fits into our schedule.
What is neat about this too is the fact that as soon as we started to focus more on dating each other, the Lord has provided in fun ways to help stretch the $10 further.
What we have done:
-(Kelli) Ate sushi (Dad happen to give us $20 to go on a date, we added our weekly $10 & wala we can afford our fav date food!), went to a coffee shop to read our marriage book and talk, then went to a 9/11 memorial park to take a stroll.
-(Teddy) Split a burrito bowl at Chipotle (less than $10) and documentary event we got to attend for free
-(Kelli) Friday night homecoming football game ($5/person) & free museum (we love these!)
-(Teddy) Saturday day afternoon college football date at Buffalo Wild Wings. We got a coupon from Teddy's uncle for $10 free food. So we split 12 wings & a basket of fries and only had to spend $4...which left a great tip for the waitress equaling $10! After watching games we went furniture shopping for FUN. We love dreaming about our future homes and had a blast doing this! We had plans to go see the local hockey team play (free tickets as well) but stayed in to watch the Rangers game.
YAY for dates! It's been really fun so far & one of the most important things we budget for!
-Kells
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